Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Where I came from 2

Well, I only got up to elementary school in the family section. Now to continue.
I think life with my immediate family will always be the same, unless the Lord does a great and mighty work (and ALL things are possible with God). Screaming, yelling, anger, discontentment, verbal abuse... The list can go on and on.
I want to have a family much different than my own. I want a family that knows what love is, and it is not material possessions. I have so much junk, here and at home. Why? Beats me. I think my dad thinks that possessions are a sign of love or something. It's not. Spending quality time with each other is a better indication of love for others, but that does not mean in front of the TV, computer, or stupid game systems.
Don't get me wrong, I fall prey to these things too.
I do desire to live a life that is pleasing to God. One that makes a difference in peoples' lives. One that's worth living.
In middle school, I struggled with who I was. I got saved at 12, but I sure didn't live like it. I think being saved kept me from going off the deep end. Most of my friends were the Goths of the school and I often dressed as they did. I didn't do it to be rebellious or to stand out from the crowd, I did it to fit into the crowd. I never fully fell into all that. A staff member recently said that they couldn't understand why a teen would want to do dress gothic. I don't know about most of the exteme ones, but many do it to fit in with the others they associate with. Just as the "popular" kids do with the name brand clothes.
Then came a time in my life that turned everything upsidedown. My mom had bouts of sickness and was hospitalized. I thnk it was the second round that almost killed her. She was in a coma-like state 10 days. They wouldn't let me see her. Iwas so upset about that at the time. I think I am glad now that they didn't let me see her. Then, after she was home and getting better, she became pregnant with triplets. WHOA! What a schocker! None of us could believe it at all. They were born 3 months early and weighed: Logan- 1 lb 13 oz, Laura- 1 lb 12 oz, and Lucas- 1 lb 6 oz. They lived 10 days, 15 days,and 2 months 27 days, respectively. That was shattering. I was in the depths of despair. Then, God became real to me. It was still a struggle, though.
High school came and went. I was involved choir at both schools I went to. The second high school is where I started to stray, going along with religious friends, but not Godly friends. I went to church all during this time to my church (Sun morn and eve) but I started going to a Methodist church for youth group. They meant well, but the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. There was no separation, but there was plenty of fun. We were challenged to live a good life, but I dare not say a Godly life because this church used a perverted version of the Bible, let guys and girls touch, and girls wore pants, and all looked worldly. That's how many of churches nowadays get their teens: they let them do whatever they want. Praise God that I have a chuch at home and at college that calls for Biblical standards!
When I graduated high school, I then started looking for a college to attend. The one I am at now did not make my personal "I'll look into it" list. All I gave it was a passing thought. My pastor recconmmeded it to me. I decided to follow his advice. I am glad that I did, now, although there have been plenty of struggles that followed.
I think my entries became disjointed due to the fact that they are written over a couple of months aprt. Oh well.
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