Sunday, October 05, 2008

Living? Check.
Breathing? Most of the time, check.
Family? Check.
Friends? Check.
Job? Check, check, and check.

I know I am blessed with what I have, but why do I feel so "blah" these days? This school year is really pulling a number on me. This week was ok with the kids, but I know I never want to have another class like this. Unfortunately, next year's is no better...perhaps worse. I feel like all I ever do is work related stuff. Lesson plans take FOREVER to do (glad I'm now three...technically two...weeks ahead), breaks are joke, aides are few, days are long, and pay is minimal. I hate living paycheck to paycheck, but the Lord has not failed me (and He never will). Oh, not to mention I practically LIVE at the church or in my classroom. I am there Sunday though Saturday for hours.

My family seems to be getting it together (generally speaking), but there are plenty of problems. Just found out that Mom, Dad, and AJ may not be able to make it out to Nessa's for Thanksgiving. I'll only make if Nessa picks me up (since my car has issues...nothing out of the norm there). Nessa, her boyfriend, and I are planning to drive up to MI for Christmas (since none of can afford to fly). That'll be interesting. Not sure if I'll be able to make it a week without visiting the ER at least once while we're there. Then again, it wouldn't be a normal visit home without not being able to breathe and creating some fun in the ER with the crazy stuff Nessa and I do to lighten up the moment. We have had hospital staff tell us to quiet down (shocker, right?).

I think I'm in need of a change. Just not sure with what to change, though. Life's not bad here, but...well, I don't know.

I want to go on a long trip away from here. California sounds good. I'd love to hang out with Mimi again. Maybe even go see Glenn and Katie. I'd love to see Carol before she and Adam head off to Mongolia. I'd love to visit my home church and see those who have influenced my life for the best. I miss so many people right now. Yes, I've made friends here, but I still feel disconnected. That could also be my fault. Maybe getting older does that to a person.

*sigh*

2 comments:

Cathy said...

Oh honey sorry you are soooo discouraged. Praying for you

Kathy said...

You sound so discouraged. I can honestly say I know how you feel. I've been there. Teaching is ministry, so the pay will almost always be minimal, the hours are long, and sometimes the kids can drive you absolutely crazy, but... God is so good and always provides and the rewards of teaching are priceless. The Lord is using you to touch your student's lives for eternity. This feeling will pass, I promise!