Thursday, November 06, 2008

I hate it when people try to mother me when they are not in the position to do so. It's so frustrating. I know someone who thinks that whatever she does is the best thing and therefore I should be just like her. I'd rather not. You can have your life because I do not envy you in the least. Thank you. Let's move on.

I talked to my brother this evening. I so miss making fun of him! I love the booger. :) My favorite line was when we were talking about the weather, I told him that is was nice here and maybe next week I'll pull out a sweater. He said that he has been wearing the hoodie Mom got him before school. Then I told him that he should should have it washed....(thinking...thinking...) He was so slow to that. :) (If you didn't get it, I'll be happy to explain...but it takes all the fun out of it.)

Things are really getting tough around here. I can't get ahead for anything. And my health insurance nearly doubled.

I've really been struggling in a different area. *__________* and I have been in communication since May. He's even called a few times and come to see me. Since school started, our communication has nearly come to a standstill. It's hard to understand what is going on right now. I did try to give him an easy way out (that was hard to do because I didn't want to do that), but what was I to do if I rarely hear from him? He responded with a "I don't want to lose all contact with you." And yet, I still don't hear from him. I don't even know what to call what we had, whether it was a relationship or a friendship. I find this fella to be a great guy with many of the same standards (music, especially). It's so hard to find guys with any standards these days, let alone Godly ones. He is a history teacher in a Christian high school and seems to have a wonderful opportunity serving the Lord where he is at. I think it is great to see a guy who loves what he is doing. The only thing is, he seems not to have any time for me, except for maybe a few minutes on the weekend, or every other weekend, to send me an email letting me know how busy he's been. I know all about how busy a teacher can get. I am one as well. In fact, I have 100 papers to grade right now. (And that's not an exaggeration). I'd be better if he would clarify where he wants to go in this friendship/relationship rather than let it die off. I'd like to say I'm content waiting on the Lord, but that'd be a lie. I am really tired of living on my own. It's no fun cooking for one (and I rarely cook because of that). I want someone to care for and someone to care for me. It really is hard to see all the people I grew up with getting married and having kids. I've drempt of that for some time now, but it seems more and more that all I'll be is an old maid. If that's what the Lord wants for me, then Ill learn to be content with it. *__________* has great potential. He's comitted to serving the Lord, committed in his job, and is one of those "nice guys." I just want/need some direction.

Anyway, I'm off to try to knock out some of this grading. This stuff is killing me! I can't stand grading penmanship papers! Their writing is better than mine!


Kathy said...

"And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul." Ps. 106:15

God gives the best direction of all. When I was your age, not too long ago, I was in a relationship for 2 years with a guy who wanted to be a missionary to the Jews. He was one of the only guys at my church (you know how that goes in independent Baptist churches), and at that time he was in the Marines. This was something I prayed for and God gave me my request, but inside I didn't feel His peace. This guy brought up marriage and even gave me a promise ring along with so many other promises that he didn't keep. I was getting older and I so wanted to be married serving the Lord with someone. Am I married to him now? No, and I praise the Lord that he didn't allow me to make what would have been the biggest mistake in my life. I still reap today for making the choice of dating him instead of letting God make the choice for me. I say all that to say, don't try and rush a relationship. If this guy is not taking the time to communicate with you and gives you the lousy excuse of being too busy, he isn't worth your time. You can always make time for the things you want. I'm not bitter, but I've learned through my mistakes of trying so hard to make a relationship work. If it's the Lord's will, things will just fall into place because it will be guided by Him. You don't need confusion in your life, I'm sure you have enough to worry about. I know that it's hard, but I personally would lose the guy's number, email address, and so on, and let him chase you. Be unavailable, and don't be waiting for his call or email. Have fun and live your life. He can't miss what he hasn't lost. Let him go and if it's God's will, He'll make it impossible. Remember: It's better to be single than to be married to the wrong man. You're never alone, God knows what's best and He is always in control. Please don't take offense to my comment, it is only meant to be a help. Have a great week! I'll pray for you and your decisions!

Tammy said...

This is the first time I've been to your blog, but this post really spoke to me. I am a pastors wife, I was a youth pastors wife for ten years, so I have seen alot of young people make decisions during that time. One time in particular stands out to me. We had a young lady in our church who was very godly and sold out for the Lord.
She lived alone (due to family issues). She was twenty-five already, and had watched one after one of the young ladies she had grown up with get married. She became very discouraged, and began "dating" a man she worked with. He was a believer but a worldly one at best. Soon, her standards began to wane and she was on a downhill slide. BUT, all the prayers that she had prayed that the Lord would help her find the right mate were honored and the Lord brought these desires to the forefront of her heart. She surrendered her life to the Lord fully, if it was His will that she remain unmarried, she was okay with that. The very happy ending is this....just a short time later, a very godly young man (that she had not even met) came into her life, they began getting acquainted, and soon married. She has testified many times, that she almost made a terrible mistake by picking her own mate, instead of waiting on God. She now has a wonderful marriage built on their faith in God, and two beautiful children. Don't get discouraged, keep your faith, God will send you a wonderful, godly mate, one that is perfect for you in every way, IF
you just wait on Him. God Bless You and I will be praying for you!

P.S. I hope it didn't sound as if I am trying to "mother" you. =)
Just wanted to offer some words of encouragement.

Cathryn said...

Hi. I found your blog from the KJV site. Listen, I know it is hard to wait. I have a 20 year old daughter who fears she will be an old maid because so many guys don't even begin to come close to our standards. But if Katelyn is to be married God chose that young man a long long time ago. If she isn't he will give her the grace to handle it. I know it gets lonely. I know you hope that those dreams will come true. Bless your heart. Don't ever sell yourself short and just keep waiting on the man of God's dreams for you. You WILL be glad you waited. Lord Bless You, Cathy in Kentucky