Thursday, November 06, 2008

I hate it when people try to mother me when they are not in the position to do so. It's so frustrating. I know someone who thinks that whatever she does is the best thing and therefore I should be just like her. I'd rather not. You can have your life because I do not envy you in the least. Thank you. Let's move on.

I talked to my brother this evening. I so miss making fun of him! I love the booger. :) My favorite line was when we were talking about the weather, I told him that is was nice here and maybe next week I'll pull out a sweater. He said that he has been wearing the hoodie Mom got him before school. Then I told him that he should should have it washed....(thinking...thinking...) He was so slow to that. :) (If you didn't get it, I'll be happy to explain...but it takes all the fun out of it.)

Things are really getting tough around here. I can't get ahead for anything. And my health insurance nearly doubled.

I've really been struggling in a different area. *__________* and I have been in communication since May. He's even called a few times and come to see me. Since school started, our communication has nearly come to a standstill. It's hard to understand what is going on right now. I did try to give him an easy way out (that was hard to do because I didn't want to do that), but what was I to do if I rarely hear from him? He responded with a "I don't want to lose all contact with you." And yet, I still don't hear from him. I don't even know what to call what we had, whether it was a relationship or a friendship. I find this fella to be a great guy with many of the same standards (music, especially). It's so hard to find guys with any standards these days, let alone Godly ones. He is a history teacher in a Christian high school and seems to have a wonderful opportunity serving the Lord where he is at. I think it is great to see a guy who loves what he is doing. The only thing is, he seems not to have any time for me, except for maybe a few minutes on the weekend, or every other weekend, to send me an email letting me know how busy he's been. I know all about how busy a teacher can get. I am one as well. In fact, I have 100 papers to grade right now. (And that's not an exaggeration). I'd be better if he would clarify where he wants to go in this friendship/relationship rather than let it die off. I'd like to say I'm content waiting on the Lord, but that'd be a lie. I am really tired of living on my own. It's no fun cooking for one (and I rarely cook because of that). I want someone to care for and someone to care for me. It really is hard to see all the people I grew up with getting married and having kids. I've drempt of that for some time now, but it seems more and more that all I'll be is an old maid. If that's what the Lord wants for me, then Ill learn to be content with it. *__________* has great potential. He's comitted to serving the Lord, committed in his job, and is one of those "nice guys." I just want/need some direction.

Anyway, I'm off to try to knock out some of this grading. This stuff is killing me! I can't stand grading penmanship papers! Their writing is better than mine!
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